Holy Empowerment Batman!

This evening I attended a fundraising event for the last organization I worked for. You might recall that I quit that job and was all to happy to never see the CEO again. Of course I *did* see him again at an employees wedding. The CEO tried to make small talk and I was as polite as Emily Post could have asked me to be. Certainly no nicer to be sure. but civil and appropriate. I thought that was that. Then I heard that CEO told the entire table at said wedding that he had fired me. How this A) even came up and B) could EVER be construed as appropriate behaviour (even assuming it wasn’t a humongous lie) is beyond me and anyone I have spoken to about it. Flash-forward to this evenings soiree where I showed up in fairly good spirits, excited about seeing former co-workers who, it must be said, I have the utmost respect and in some cases affection for. I was warmed and relieved to have been received so graciously; running up, big smiles, authentic hugs – all very nice. CEO kept eyeing me and in his (typical) paranoid state* seemed worried about what I and his current staff must be bantering so easily about. Anyway, about an hour after I arrived he came up to me and sort of tickled my shoulder by way of greeting. When I turned to face him he made a somewhat awkward move to hug me. I didn’t move. He extended his hand for a shake; I didn’t move. He flashed his signature smile** and I just stood there. The rest of teh exchange went a little something like so:

CEO: What? no hug?

Me: I have no desire to hug you.

CEO: Oh. (pause) I thought after the wedding we were OK, that everything was history…

Me: We are history…   (a tad dramatic know, but when does a girl get the chance to throw a line like that out there? I mean really!)

CEO: Come on, I though we moved past this, I thought we could be friendly at least.

Me: I was civil with you at the wedding and that’s all I had in me. We are not friends. I don’t respect you and I don’t like you and I have nothing to say to you. (I should have said that I don’t trust him either but I forgot)

CEO: (Semi-blank stare)  Well… whys that? (SERIOUSLY??!)

Me: You dont respect your staff and you don’t honour them. You are the helm of a phenomenal organization and I wish you well but you need to recognize that losing 3 of your best staff in under 6 weeks is an indication of a very significant problem.

CEO: No one is perfect. I am working on my stuff. i’m just interested in knowing whats going on in your life.

Me: I’m glad to hear it. It would be a shame if such wonderful went to waste, but I have no desire to talk to you about it.

CEO: And what are you up to these days?

Me: Thats none of your business.

CEO: If you really care about the organization why dont you come in and speak to me about your concerns?

Me: It would be my pleasure to come and speak with you and the chairs of the board.

 

This type pf back and forth, skirting issues and stonewalling, went on for what felt like 15 minutes but could not have been more then 5. I was so calm the whole time it was eerie. H|e looked frazzled. I have to say that I particularly enjoyed telling him that I had no respect for him etc. It was like a professional-life wet dream come true. Who wants to place bets that he never asks me for my input with his chairs? Anyone? AHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAA!

* Remember that U2 quote “Its no secret that a liar never believes anyone else”? Sooooo apropos!

** It pains me to say this, but if you don’t know the asswipe behind the smile he does flash a rather inviting and affable megawatt grim.

Toronto Job (take II)

I got one. And I know I have said this before but I truly think this is ‘it’. Its dynamic, the projects I will be working on are diverse and all interesting to me in one way or another, there is an opportunity for travel, my bosses are strong, focused women and my immediate supervisor is all about mentorship and has, from what I can tell a kind soul. I start Wednesday and will post again once I have a better sense of my day-to-day.

In other “I’m-slowly-becoming-an-adult” news I now have plants. This may seem insignificant to some but for someone who moves around as much as I do, committing to take care of living things is meaningful. Its my way of admitting (embracing?) some form of permanence.  It feels good and every time I look at my rubber plant and peace lily (I think these are fitting plants in ‘personality’ and name respectively) I get a nice sort of settled feeling.

Also going on a date tonight with someone I have been set up with by and aunt of mine. I think she is great and this guy is her best friend’s son so I figure at the very least he will share some of the more general traits with my aunt (culture, intellect etc) and won’t leave me standing alone in the rain tonight.  Always the optimist!

Thems the updates. No doubt I`ll be posting with more frequency now that my bout of unemployed depression is lifting.

A tout a l`heur

Screw 4:20, I Want 4:10!

This plan makes ’slacking’ look acceptable, environmentally friendly, family-positive and chock-a-block full of good will. Its not a new concept but switching our work week from 8 hours each day for 5 days to 10 hours/day over 4 days is making a come-back. Much of the state-run services in the US state of Utah, some businesses in Ontario Canada and who knows where else are working with the idea…  Choo Choo! I’m all aboard this 4 day work-week train!!

Live from Atop my Fridge!

Sunday night, May 11th

I have not posted in almost a month and I feel like I have failed. I meant to do it, I did. And I have excuses – good ones even. I have no internet connection at home (except from on top of my fridge, don’t ask how I found that sweet spot, inconvenient though it may be…) and I work long hours (8:30-6:30 w/out lunches most days). The other and more relevant side of that truth is that I am depressed. The job I was so excited about is frustrating and only mildly fulfilling. I believe and will it to get better though. Its only been 6 weeks and in those much has happened that would throw even the most optimistic and centered staff for a loop (my boss quit, she is much of the reason I took this job) and I joined at a very hectic time and started with a 3 week deficit due to the fact that the person in my job before me decided to do little work during her last weeks…

But all this is only part of the story. I feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. By things that I wish were exactly reversed. Well, perhaps not exactly… I’ll explain:

I very much want to be in love and have someone be in love with me. I want these to be the same person (I can not tell you how often the opposite has been the case I have been the cause of many a broekn heart (I am told) and have spent many weeks mending my own several times over). I want to love myself (particularly my physical being, always the toughest part for me and a more prominent issue as I have no energy and little time to rectify this). I want to love my job. I want to have friends who ‘get’ me and who I want to spend time with and who feel the same. (I have a few of these but sadly they are not all in my current city). I want to like this damned city and I want to not have to worry so much about money.

I want a lot of things and I feel that I have worked towards many of them with a not insignificant amount of effort and yet I still feel (29 years later next week) that I am repeatedly coming up short.

OK, so I have my period, and yes my 29^th is fast approaching and no, I do not deny that these two factors are most likely contributing to my general malaise, but they are not the only trigger. I feel genuinely stuck and I am sad and scared and frustrated.

 

I want to be overwhelmed by someone (and feel good about it),I want to feel inspired by the city, by a book, by *something*. I want NOT to be overwhelmed by minutiae and work and negative body issues but I am not, and am very much so respectively and well, that just sucks.

So… all this by way of saying that when I need(ed) my Happy Moments experiment the most I have let myself down. (Great – add that to my recent list of failures…)

I’m starting again here and now.

I promised myself all week that I would splurge on the Sunday NYT and I did. I got the best espresso I could find and had 3 of ‘em while reading it. I bough a Leonard Cohen album on vinyl. I spoke to strangers.

A new list I just thought of starting. Things I did to self destruct today:

Bought a tub of chocolate ice-cream (can I blame Aunt Flo?)

Made an iTunes play list titled Love Songs for the Hopeful/less (Eek!)

Maybe typing these things out will help me stop doing them. Thoughts?

Woah!

Its been a while an I actually have a make-up post waiting on my laptop back home. Issue is still no Internet at the apt so posting is near impossible (work isn’t a great option).`Ill post that one post-haste.

Anyhow I am in Mtl at mum`s and will avail myself of a little Internet time…

The BIG piece if late is that I am an aunt.`Auntie` – has a nice ring to it and emotionally it has a GREAT ring to it. My little man is just the sweetest and while I know I am biased, I have to say it. I`ll avoid gushing but sufficed to say I am completly in love.

Also I turned 29. So far a decent age. It started out (my birthday that is) with a piece if chocolate cheese cake at 12:02, followed by at least one-too-many shots of liquor, a head clearing night walk at 4 AM, a well earned sleep with the sun already up and when I woke, a coffee at my fave spot with a cameo appearance by my dad (lilacs in hand) and the guy you are all sick of reading about. They met. Interesting. I hate that Freud was so right. Arg. I dirges… My dad jump started my day buy buying my cap and telling the cafe owner that it was my birthday. I was then ceremoniously poured a shot of brandy and learned first hand that the `hair of the dog theory`might just be true. Also that I quite like brandy.

My HM for the past while is obviously the nephew but the following moments stand out as well:

-Kicking a work meeting in the ASS! WOOT! (got a fee lowered from $34,000 to $0 – I should say I earned my keep for the week)

-Being kissed really nicely…

-Helping to bathe my friend`s son. A dampening venture to be sure but there ain’t nuthin`sweeter that a little giggling guy in a tub with bubbles.

-Meeting my oldest friend`s new daughter. Wow. Also the math is nuts. I met the mother at 2 years old. that’s only 24 months longer than her daughter has been alive. That’s a trip.

-Seeing my brother taking to fatherhood like a fish to water.

The other nice thing of late is that I am slowly making friends with Toronto. Or maybe it decided to make friends with me. Either way we are `dating` and while seeing other cities is still very much on the table I am no longer blindly opposed to the notion of potentially settling down with the Big Smoke. Comme ca se dit a Quebec: Ons verras…

Lots more but not feeling very eloquent. Really just posting to get back into the groove.

Good night to you all from this side of 29. or as I like to look at it, from this side of turning 18 for the 11th time!

Playin’ Catch Up

I am woefully over due for a good post. Or quite frankly, any post at all.  Forgive me readers for I have sinned, how many paragraphs must I write?

This last week was hectic in that fervent way that lets you know you have a life to live and that this isn’t just some dress rehearsal. New job (week 2) is getting better in that I am starting to get the ‘big picture’ of what it is I need to be doing, how it should be done and where my work fits into the organization as a whole. This is very important for someone with my personality. I am forever asking “but why?” and to not have an answer is intellectual nails-on-a-chalk-board for me. The knowing helps me situate myself and that feels good.

Some HM highlights from the week are being told that my boss likes my writing style (as this is a huge part if my job this is a source of great relief), seeing my sister after 2 weeks: she puts the love in lovely, ’nuff said. Watching the Habs game at my TO Habs bar with the gang and flirting almost shamelessly with a friend of a friend in from out-of-town. I say ‘almost’ because truth is I dint have to do too much of the work. If I was any less of a lady… but alas, my mama raised me right. Flirting as fun-sport: I like! Other HM include becoming slowly addicted to Flight of the Conchords (watch it now) and picking up the keys to me new pad.

Whioch bring s me to this week-end. I am back in Mtl to load my stuff into a ViaRoute truck and drive it westward. My father is being good enough to drive me out as the truck has to be dropped back in Mtl. Two godo friedns who I consider myslef luck to have helped me shlep couch and table and mattress etc and I owe them BIG TIME. K & M (neither of whom read this mind you but still… ) You guys are awesome and I am so thankful. Oh! And while I need do work on breaking with more finesse, I am pleased to inform you that I drove the 20+ foot cube truck around town today. I like it! Only wish I had one of them nifty trucker horns. Oh, the fun I would have… 

The cap off for this omnibus post must be, without a doubt being invited to watch the 2nd game in the semi-finals at the Bell Centre. This was AMAZING for a number pf reasons. In no particular order:

We won.

The seats were outofthisworld good. (I am so spoiled sometimes I can’t even imagine).

I got to go with someone who makes it impossible for me not to smile. Often times in spite of myself.

Did I mention we won? In overtime?!

Fan? listen up: http://www.habsblog.ca/canadiens-news/feels-a-little-like-93/

Tomorrow I wake early and hop the 401 with papa. I hope the 6 hour drive doesn’t kill us. We love each other but are not the most compatible duo ever and I pray the CBC has solid programming lined up. On the other hand this could be a great opportunity to bond. Stay tuned.

Last but not least; next time I post it will most likely be from my new digs. I can not wait. My nesting nature is excited about making a house into a home. This is the third time I do this but the first time I do it solely for myself. I already know I make a good ‘wife’ and roommate, lets see how I fair on my own. I for one have no hesitations or concerns.

OK, bed time. G’night and GO HABS GO!

HM- Newness

Today (day 3 for those counting) I got a real sense of my job and while it scares me just a little, its that good scare that gets me excited and revved. Im exhausted and have no energy to write but today I am happy because for the first time in a looooong time I will be challenged and pushed by my job.