Spiritual Bumper-cars

All the surfaces are reflective in this town. I can’t find the pores, the holes where smells and sounds are supposed to seep in, where humanity seeps out. It all hovers here, above the surface in fine, separate layers. Nothing commingles. Siloed and segregated I walk through busy, bustling streets surrounded by an invisible shield of my own scent, energy, thoughts. Here they play spiritual bumper-cars and no one ever wins. No one gets bumped, but we all define winning differently…

I have never experienced anomie the way I learned in sociology class. I could never internalize the feeling, understand what it meant to feel alone in a sea of life. I am starting to wrap my head around it now. I’m not there, but the prospect has become less hypothetical.

I teeter between anger and sadness, disbelief and frustration. How? And more importantly, why? Why live in a cocoon when you can be out in the world? Is it a protectionist instinct? Self-preservation? What about the green of my eyes makes you look away so quickly? What is it in the curve of my smile that has you turning away?

On becoming your parents

“I was so focused on not becoming my mother, that I became my father. I did not see that coming.”

-Rachel on Friends

Loved this and thought I’d share.

Its all Timing

“The difference between a romance and a tragedy is just a matter of where you decide to start and stop telling the love story”

 

Have truer words ever been written?

US VP Debate

This will be updated many times no doubt:

Maverick. STOP SAYING IT!!!

He is the man we need to leave, um, lead. CLASSIC! (Palin is such a sorority pledge wanna-be)

Biden almost cried. Not a Hillay cry, but an honest, human choke-up. I like.

This Just In!

So, this amazing thougt just occured to me, and like most amazing thoughts it is less the idea itself but the amazing fact that I have never seen the big-picture quite so clearly or as meaningfully. The thought is this:

I have never done this before.

Simple yes, but overwhelmingly important. Every day that I wake up I face a new day. Its the newest day in the history of the world. The most recent time and place knowable to the human race, and no one on the planet knows it more or less intimately then I do. I have carte blanche and not having experience has little bearing because no one has had any.

I am enthralled with this thought because it paves the way for me to do other new things. For every time I say no to something either in word or in act on the basis that ‘I haven’t done it before’ I will make an effort to remember that ‘I haven’t done this before’ also applies to every single day of my life.

This basic and on-the-surface unassuming, notion has literally just shifted my outlook. Nifty.

Toronto Job (take II)

I got one. And I know I have said this before but I truly think this is ‘it’. Its dynamic, the projects I will be working on are diverse and all interesting to me in one way or another, there is an opportunity for travel, my bosses are strong, focused women and my immediate supervisor is all about mentorship and has, from what I can tell a kind soul. I start Wednesday and will post again once I have a better sense of my day-to-day.

In other “I’m-slowly-becoming-an-adult” news I now have plants. This may seem insignificant to some but for someone who moves around as much as I do, committing to take care of living things is meaningful. Its my way of admitting (embracing?) some form of permanence.  It feels good and every time I look at my rubber plant and peace lily (I think these are fitting plants in ‘personality’ and name respectively) I get a nice sort of settled feeling.

Also going on a date tonight with someone I have been set up with by and aunt of mine. I think she is great and this guy is her best friend’s son so I figure at the very least he will share some of the more general traits with my aunt (culture, intellect etc) and won’t leave me standing alone in the rain tonight.  Always the optimist!

Thems the updates. No doubt I`ll be posting with more frequency now that my bout of unemployed depression is lifting.

A tout a l`heur

Island Living

I think I want to settle down on an island. It need not be tropical but an island none the less. I think that even on the most subconscious level, people living on islands have a sensitivity to how much space they take up; whether it be physically, verbally or otherwise. Islands force us to make due and be inventive. Privacy is relative and so too becomes the notion of possesion. If there is only so much space to go around I believe people become more generous. With space, with time, with spirit. Also I imagine the turnover rate on buildings would be much slower, the creep and influence if the ‘outside’ world always a little lagged. I like that notion. Architecture stays around longer and so too a feeling if weight and age. That’s it then: Island living for me!

I Wish

I wish I could place ideas and words and images into people subconscious or dreams. If I could jimmy my way in, an anti-thief; leaving something of value behind and then creep out, I would. There are lyrics and feelings, messages that I wish people could instinctively feel and sense. This whole ‘communication’ thing with all its unwritten and fluid politics makes me tired.

Hope

Perhaps what we need now, even more than random acts of kindness are unprompted acts of hope. Kindness is most often invited. Pay-it-forwards and inspired gestures are the norm and random as they may be they are not without a chosen recipient or end. Unprompted hope however requires no end-goal, no greater purpose and can not be measured for either success or failure, mainly because by its very nature, hope is unspecified. In our contemporary climate of orange tinged gloom and terror, any feeling and expression of hope is in and of itself a success, a victory. Hope neither requires nor asks for reason. It is this unfounded, ungrounded, unguarded and unplanned. It is truly random and because of this so much more powerful.

Downward Spiral or Upward Swing?

You be the judge…

It’s not yet noon and I just used Bailey’s instead of milk in my coffee. Mind you it *is* Sunday and I *am* out of milk…

Thoughts?