Leaving Toronto

I am leaving Toronto. I have given notice on my life as it is; job, boyfriend, apartment.

I feel light and airy and free and happy for the first time in months. Also, I am scared shitless. I am 30 years old and I will, in 6 weeks, be unemployed. In 6 weeks I will be living with my mother and in 6 weeks I will have nowhere to be on a Monday morning, for the first time in many years (barring minor gaps in employment that I was then desperate to rectify).

I dislike Toronto. It’s not for lack of trying though. 3 jobs and 2 serious relationships later however, I fear I might have listened to my gut years ago instead of learning the hard way that THE GUT IS ALWAYS RIGHT. Ah well, lesson learned.

I expect I will miss little about the job other than the paycheck and while he is a decent and sensitive guy, I doubt I will miss my ex in the everyday sense(things end for a reason). I forsee missing my apartment though. For such a wanderluster it’s always caught me off guard how much I identify with and am comforted by ‘my space’. It’s cozy and has a great view and despite my not liking the city in general, holds some funny/sexy/sentimental/important moments. The independence that living solo affords will too be missed, no doubt.

I will also miss my friends. Its taken my 2 years to get to this small but powerful knot of peeps that I am so grateful to call my own. Some seriously intently intelligent, funny and supportive ladies and gents. We like to think the bonds we form are impervious to distance, but history has taught me otherwise. I will make an effort though to keep them close. I will in particular miss my new friend from down the hall. In the past 8 weeks she has become like a sister and I love her dearly. I expect to miss her more than anything. In her I feel I have found someone I was destined to meet. It seems the universe gives me what I need just as I am leaving. This last thought about timing also applies to a man I have recently met. Only a week into knowing him and I feel sad already to leave. He is kind and bright and optimistic and when he touches me I know there is nowhere else he’s rather be. I guess I’ll accept this as Toronto’s parting gift to me and be gracious about it instead of harbouring the mild frustration I feel now.

Other things about Toronto that I will miss:

Fresh & both markets (St Lawrence & Kensington), …. umm, wow – thats it I think…

Oh wait, I will also miss ragging on the Leafs fans.

On the Road Again

Heading back to Mtl before jumping in a car with my mum (brother, sister-in-law and nephew to follow) on Saturday to drive down to Boston for a day and then on to Cape Cod to meet up with some of my absolute favourite family. I hardly ever get to spend time with them and I am very excited. The only potential hiccup in the plan is the 8 hours in a car with mum. Wish me luck.

I am looking forward to visiting the MFA Boston and to reading the three books I (potentially optimistically) brought with; Tom Robbins: Still Life with Woodpecker, Jean Cocteau: Enfants Terribles and Antia Shrieve: ?? (its packed, looked OK)